I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
