Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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