He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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