The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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