I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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