absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She told me I should be a condom model.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
