Umm I'm too high to move.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
