If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
