i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
