So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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