so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Your penis caused this!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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