Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
