One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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