Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
