I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
