Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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