No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
