what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
