Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
