Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
