I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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