My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
