but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
