Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
