I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
