Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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