Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
