We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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