508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
