u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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