drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
