Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
