even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
