watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
