I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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