Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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