Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
