I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
