Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
