I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
