New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
