You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
