I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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