I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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