we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
