the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
