i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
