apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize