i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
