You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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