Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
