i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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