I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Be still, my beating vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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