Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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