Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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