I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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