now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
