Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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